I've pondered love. What input produces the desired output? Finally, I realized — love is like a computer. All components, systems and programs must work harmoniously for love to compute without errors.

Garbage in, garbage out: If you keep telling yourself romantic myths about a prince on a white horse saving you, and that love conquers all… living on clichés, you'll never find love. No one's perfect. No relationship is a fairy tale. While gay relationships may contain two fairy tails — neither one of them is perfect! Well, maybe some.

WYSIWYG: If your date is almost Mr. Right – almost the perfect guy for you, if he would just floss and upgrade his hairstyle, then get a new boyfriend – get over it! Some times it's easier to buy a new system than upgrade it. It just won't happen. After all, “What You See Is What You Get.”

Too much input: Dating six people at once. It isn't fair to anyone! How can you integrate all the data and process all the information (about your feelings) if you're running six programs at once? In this case, you're bound to have system errors and hard-drive crashes. No one likes it when their hard drive crashes!

56.6 Baud vs. 14.4 Baud: If your date moves too fast (falls in love overnight) while you're still trying to make a connection, you're operating on different bandwidths. Be careful: He may be connecting with multiple service providers!

Pentium 5 vs. Pentium 1: If a date is stuck with an outdated operating system (lives in the past, dresses in clothes that were current pre-Vietnam), you two may be incompatible. Your date may be stuck in a Pentium 1 lifestyle while you're in a Pentium 5 world. Be leery — slower operating systems are outdated. Two men with different bandwidths will only connect sporadically.

Power Switch: Make sure a boyfriend knows which button turns you on. If he can't locate it, love may never boot up. Since neither of you comes with instruction manuals, don't mute your feelings. Of course, if he knows how to turn you on, he'll also be able to turn you off!

Program compatibility: Sometimes, later editions of the same program can operate earlier versions, but the transverse in not true. Hopefully you'll have enough commonalities to make love work.

Outdated Processor: If you want love – but he sees sex as fun and games – you're wired differently. That's like trying to get a Pentium processor to run a Mac program. Not going to happen!

Mac vs. PC: Macs are more artistic. PCs are more business-oriented. These systems are not compatible; word processing works on both, but other applications do not!

Intranet vs. Internet: If you're a man with a limited, selective friendship base while he has a World Wide Web of friends, you may be speaking different languages.

Secure Servers vs. Public Domains: Some men have a discretionary network of friends. They may put firewalls up or keep their binary info secure. Others send out cookies to newsgroups. Can these two types really find connectivity? Dubious!

Browsers: Some men are just browsers in the World Wide Web of love. They sign on, search, and visit many URLs. But they forget the passwords that open the ports of a man's heart. Be aware of these browsers.